Friday, December 24, 2010
Thursday, December 16, 2010
4 years ago, an accident took my beloved away and very often I wonder, how does my wife, who is now in the heavenly realm, feel right now? She must be feeling extremely sad for leaving a husband who is incapable to taking care of the house and the kid. 'cos that is the exact feeling that I have, as I feel that I have failed to provide for the physical and emotional needs of my child, and failed to be the dad and mum for my child.
There was one particular day, when I had an emergency at work. Hence, I had to leave home whilst my child was still sleeping. So thinking that there was still rice leftovers, I hastily cooked an egg and left after informing my sleepy child.
With the double roles, I am often exhausted at work as well as when I am home. So after a long day, I came home, totally drained of all energy. So with just a brief hug and kiss for my child, I went straight into the room, skipping dinner. However, when I jumped into my bed with intention of just having a well-deserved sleep, all i heard and felt was broken porcelain and warm liquid! I flipped open my blanket, and there lies the source of the 'problem'... a broken bowl with instant noodles and a mess on the bedsheet and blanket!
Boy, was I mad! I was so furious that I took a clothes hanger, charged straight at my child who was happily playing with his toy, and give him a good spanking! He merely cried but not asking for mercy, except a short explanation:
"Dad, I was hungry and there wasn't anymore leftover rice. But you were not back yet, hence I wanted to cook some instant noodles. But I remembered you reminding me not to touch or use the gas stove without any adults around, hence I turned on the shower and used the hot water from the bathroom to cook the noodles. One is for you and the other is for me. However, I was afraid that the noodles will turn cold, so I hid it under the blanket to keep it warm till you return. But I forgot to remind you 'cos I was playing with my toys...I am sorry Dad..."
At that moment, tears were starting to run down my cheeks...but I didn't want my son to see his dad crying so I dashed into the bathroom and cried with the shower head on to mask my cries. After that episode, I went towards my son to give him a tight hug and applied medication on him, while coaxing him to sleep. Then, it was time to clear up the mess on the bed. When everything was done and well past midnight, I passed my son's room, and saw that he was still crying, not from the pain on his little buttock, but from looking at the photograph of his beloved mummy.
A year has passed since the episode, I have tried, in this period, to focus on giving him both the love of his dad and mum, and to attend to most of his needs. And soon, he is turning seven, and will be graduating from kindergarten. Fortunately, the incident did not leave a lasting impression on his childhood memories and he is still happily growing up.
However, not so long ago, I hit my boy again, with much regret. This time, his kindergarten teacher called, informing me of my son's absence from school. I took off early from work and went home, expecting him to explain. But he wasn't to be found, so I went around our house, calling out his name and eventually found him outside a stationery shop, happily playing computer games. I was fuming, brought him home and whack the hell out of him. He did not retaliate, except to say, 'I am sorry, Dad'. But after much probing, I realized that it was a 'Talent Show' organized by his school and the invite is for every student's mummy. And that was the reason for his absence as he has no mummy.....
Few days after the caning, my son came home to tell me, the kindergarten has recently taught him how to read and write. Since then, he has kept to himself and stayed in his room to practise his writing, which I am sure, would make my wife proud, if she was still around. 'cos he makes me proud too!
Time passes by very quickly, and soon another year has passed. It's winter, and its Christmas time. Everywhere the christmas spirit is in every passer-by...Christmas carols and frantic shoppers....but alas, my son got into another trouble. When I was about to knock off from the day's work, the post office called. Due to the peak season, the post master was also on an edgy mood. He called to tell me that my son has attempted to post several letters with no addressee. Although I did make a promise never to hit my son again, I couldn't help but to hit him as I feel that this child of mine is really beyond control. Once again, as before, he apologized, ' I'm sorry, Dad' and no additional reason to explain. I pushed him towards a corner, went to the post office to collect the letters with no addressee and came home, and angrily questioned my son on his prank, during this time of the year.
His answer, amidst his sobbing, was : The letters were for Mummy.
My eyes grew teary, but I tried to control my emotions and continued to ask him: " But why did u post so many letters, at one time?" My son's reply was: " I have been writing to mummy for a long time, but each time I reach out for the post box, it was too high for me, hence I was not able to post the letters. But recently, when I went back to the postbox, I could reach it and I sent it all at once..."
After hearing this, I was lost. Lost at not knowing what to do, what to say....
I told my son, " Son, mummy is in the heavenly kingdom, so in future, if you have anything to tell her, just burn the letter and it will reach mummy. My son, on hearing this, was much pacified and calm, and soon after, he was sleeping soundly. On promising that I will burn the letters on his behalf, I brought the letters outside, but couldnt help opening the letter before they turn to ash.
And one of the letters broke my heart....
I miss you so much! Today, there was a 'Talent Show' in school, and the school invited all mothers for the show. But you are not around, so I did not want to participate as well. I did not tell Dad about it as I was afraid that Dad would start to cry and miss you all over again. Dad went around looking for me, but in order to hide my sadness, I sat in front of the computer and started playing games at one of the shops. Dad was furious, and he couldnt help it but scolded and hit me, but I did not tell him the real reason. Mummy, everyday I see Dad missing you and whenever he think of you, he is so sad and often hide and cry in his room. I think we both miss you very very much. Too much for our own good I think. But Mummy, I am starting to forget your face. Can you please appear in my dreams so that I can see your face and remember you? I heard that if you fall asleep with the photograph of the person whom you miss, you will see the person in your
dreams. But mummy, why havent you appear?
After reading the letter, I can't stop sobbing. 'cos I can never replace the irreplaceable gap left behind by my wife....
For the females with children:
Don't do so much overtime. If you cannot finish the work, it must be some kind of problems within the company, and it is not your sole problem. Feedback to your boss. Endless overtime may not necessary be the answer to the problem. Take care of your health so that you can treasure and take care of yo ur little precious.
For the married men:
Drink less, smoke less, cos nothing can replace your good health, not even business nor clients.
Try thinking this way, are you able to work till your clients are totally dependent on you? or your boss is totally dependent on you? In this society, no one is indispensable.
Take care of your health, so that you can take care of your little precious and your loved ones.
For those singles out there:
Beauty lies in loving yourself first.
With confidence and loving yourself, you will see the beauty in other things around you. You will be able to work better and happier. Don't let your health be affected by your work or your boss, so nothing matters more than your well being.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Important things in life
When things in your life seem, almost too much to handle,
When 24 Hours in a day is not enough,
Remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.
A professor stood before his philosophy class
And had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly,
He picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.
He then asked the students, if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open Areas between the golf balls.
He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively
filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided,
'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things - family,
children, health, Friends, and Favourites passions –
Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, Your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.
The sand is everything else --The small stuff.
'If you put the sand into the jar first,' He continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.
If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
You will never have room for the things that are important to you.
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play With your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.
There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.
'Take care of the golf balls first --
The things that really matter.
Set your priorities.
The rest is just sand.'
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.
The professor smiled.
'I'm glad you asked'.
It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.'
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Today I went to a beauty salon called the Beauty Lounge in PJ. Had a manicure (1st time in my life!), padicure, back massage, body scrub, body mask and milk bath... all for RM173! Cheap ha? very nice place too... it's for ladies only and they offer great packages. I still have a RM50 voucher that I haven't used and a facial in the future...
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
I posted this 4 years ago.. about myself but funny enough most of my answers are the same... :)
100 tHiNgS aBoUt mE
i actually got this from my sister's blog,but its fun,hope she doesnt mind me copying it..
01.Your name = Azlindarita @ Aisyah Mohd Abdullah @ Mrs Hafiz @ Ummu Umar
02. Hobbies = reading, shopping, travelling, watching my babies grow
03. Gender = lady
04. School / work = Wife/Mommy/Trainee Lecturer/Medical Officer
05. Height = 160 cm (i think so, havent measured my height in ages)
06. Horoscope = Saggitarius
08. Address = Pandan Jaya... wish it's in Kipark Sri Utara...
09. Email = firstname.lastname@example.org
10.Hair colour = Black.. again.. I think.. a bit brownish due to my Turkish blood.. plus my constant dying
11. Eye colour = dark brown
12. Skin colour = fair
13. Right or left handed = right
14. status = married with kids... but still looks 23
15. Siblings = 7
16. Last 5 digit of your mobile no = 79270
17.When's your Birthday = 20th Dec, same with my prince
** have you **
21. Tried smoking = yes, I stole my granddad's.. just a puff.. when I was 12. unbelievable? .. believe it.. (like Ripley's)
22. Drink alcohol = nope
23. Been hurt emotionally = yes, but glad it happened, if not I'll be married to a dark, plum, slightly bald guy.. ha ha
24. been hurt physically= yup, my dad sprained my wrist when I was 5 as he was trying to lift me
25. Been on stage = yes, mostly to receive awards.. yeah.. nerd.. i know..
26. Color = yellow, turqoise
27. Food = dodol.. ha ha
29. Number = 1
30. Cartoons = power puff girls
32. Song = anything by Opick, Indonesia
33. Movie = Finding Nemo.. the 1st movie I watch with hubby. Now Harry Potter 7
34. Subject = E.Y.E
36. Wearing = pink t-shirt with blue pants... yep, bad colour coordination
37. Hairstyle = shoulder length
38. Looking at = computer screen
39. Thinking of = my baby
40. Listening to= my 1st kid teaching my 2nd kid about cars (BMW Vs Estima... a 4 year old, mind you!)
41. Love = yes,yes,yeassss!!!!!!!!!
42. Faith = yes
43. Yourself = always
44. Ghosts = mm.. depends on the day, usually yes on friday night.. not on any other nights
45. Angels = yes
** 24 hours **
46. Worn jeans = no
47. Cleaned your room = that's our maid's job
48. cried = yes...mmm... certain things are taking toll of my sanity
49. met someone new = I wish I had
50. Last person I talk to on the phone = my mom
** love **
51. Do you believe in love = absolutely,totally,definitely
52. Have a secret admirer = had
53. Do you wanna get married = I'm very happily married
55. How old you wanna be when you get
married = was 22 years & 8 months when we got married
56. have your kid = YUP
57. How many kids do you want = as many as possible
58. Would you have kids before marriage = NOPE
59. Do you have a Crush = had, when I was in 1st year Med School, to an American guy.. he he.. I ust remembered his name yesterday.. it's N.Madigan
60. What do you want most in a relationship = mutual love & loyalty
61. Pink or Black = pink rules!
62. Kiss or hug = both.. esp from Hubby & Mama , and to our baby
64. Sunny or rainy = sunny
65. Chocolate or vanilla = chocolate
66. Hanging out or chillin = chiling
67. Music or TV = TV
68. Hamburger or Pizza =Wendy's burger
69. Smile or Laughing = laughing
70. Sleeping or eating = sleeping.. he he.. ehem
71. Mc Donald's or KFC = KFC
72. Silver or gold = white gold
73. Sunset or sunrise= sunset (it's closer to bedtime, you see..)
74. On phone or in person = in person
75. Diamonds or Pearls = DIAMONDS!!! symbol of love & eternity
76. Adidas or puma= havent buy any of those brands in years.. Spalding mostly..
77. Band members or models= band
78. Local or international Artist= international
79. sneakers or boots= my high heels but I torn a ligament so my Sport's Medicine doctor say No-No to high heels
80. Jack daniels or Chivas Regal= dont even know what these are
81. Dunhill or Malboro= neither.. I'd rather die than smoke..
82. clubbing or live music= live.. I guess
83. Johnny depp or Brad Pitt= MOHD HAFIZ OSMAN.. THE MAN IN MY LIFE
84. angelina Jolie or Kate Hudson= Kate Hudson..angelina jolie hurt Jennifer Aniston!
85. colosal/epic or romantic comedy= the latter
86. sexy/naughty or kind/plainkind/= depends.. the latter most of the time.. the former only when I'm with my heartthrob
87. BMW or Mercedes= BMW definitely.. merc is for oldies..
88. incubus or maroon 5= ha?
90. long haired or bald= long-haired like F4 singers.. been trying to persuade my hubby to keep long hair.. I suppose it's against hosp rule
91. pop or rock = pop
92. beach or mountain= beach
95. nokia or ericsson = sony ericsson
96. 311 or hoobastank= beats me!
97. Asia or America= Europe
98. tattoo or piercing= piercing..
100.asking/answering= depends on the situation
- Love yourself first
- Start each day with a hug
- Serve breakfast in bed
- Say "I love you" every time you part ways
- Compliment freely and often
- Appreciate - and celebrate- your differences
- Live each day as if it's your last
- Write unexpected love letters
- Plant a seed together and nurture it to maturity
- Go on a date once every week
- Send flowers for no reason
- Accept and love each other's family and friends
- Make a little sign that say "I Love You" and post them all over the house
- Stop and smell the roses
- Kiss unexpectedly
- Seek out beautiful sunsets together
- Apologizes sincerely
- Be forgiving
- Remember the day you fell in love - and recreate it
- Hold hands
- Say "I Love You" with your eyes
- Let her cry in your arms
- Tell him you understand
- Drink toasts of love and commitment
- Do something arousing
- Let her give you directions when you're lost
- Laugh at his jokes
- Appreciate her inner beauty
- Do the other people's chores for a day
- Encourage wonderful dreams
- Commit a public display of affection
- Give love massage with no strings attached
- Start a love journal and record your special moments
- Calm each others' fears
- Walk barefoot on the beach together
- Ask her to marry you again
- Say yes
- Respect each other
- Be your partner's biggest fan
- Give the love you partner wants to receive
- Give the love you want to receive
- Show interest in the other's work
- Work on a project together
- Build a fort with blankets
- Swing as high as you can on a swingset by moonlight
- Have a picnic indoor on a rainy day
- Never go to bed mad
- Put your partner first in your prayers
- Kiss each other goodnight
- Sleep like spoons